Prosperity is just around the corner

Wine bottle cartoon figure A masterclass in refined drinking, brought to you by someone who drinks a lot of wine out of an actual glass. The only fancy thing I do is pour the bottle into a decanter, because apparently, that’s what “serious wine people” do. Do I know exactly why? Absolutely not. But it looks cool and makes me feel like I’m hosting a documentary on the History of Grapes.

Next step? The wine would like a friend. Preferably something that pairs well, but let’s be honest, it’s usually whatever is in the fridge. Leftover brisket? Perfect. Half a carne asada burrito? Score. Random lunch meat? Sure. No meat? Well, cheese counts. And if there’s no cheese, I’ve been known to declare spicy chips a “bold flavor experience.”

Then it’s time for the grand finale: Drink away. Maybe I’m playing poker, pretending I’m calculating odds while really just focusing on my next sip. Maybe I’m parked on the couch watching a TV show my girl picked — usually something involving people making bad decisions. (The wine helps me offer my unsolicited expert opinions on those, by the way.)

And there you have it. No swirling my glass and pretending I smell “hints of leather and wet stone.” Just a bottle from Grocery Outlet, a questionable pairing, my honest opinions and a good time.