Oh Sonoma, you fiesty girl!
Let’s start with the name. Vanderpump. Or as my eyes kept reading it after the second glass: Vanderpimp. Seriously, the font on this label looks like it was designed by a calligrapher who got halfway through a wine tasting flight and said, “eh, good enough.” I wasn’t sure if I was drinking a wine or accidentally joining the cast of Vanderpump Rules, which, from what I gather, is a show about attractive people yelling at each other in various bars. Not exactly a glowing endorsement for a bottle of wine, but here we are.
So imagine my surprise when I cracked this open and it didn’t taste like shame and poor life choices. In fact, it actually smelled kinda… fruity and fancy? I braced myself for a syrupy mess, but nope—turns out this was a proper dry Cabernet. And even more shocking? No oaky slap in the face. Like, where is the oak? Did it skip town? Get cut from the budget? Whatever happened, the result was something that weirdly leaned more French in style—dry, elegant, and a little broody.
Night two brought a small plot twist. The dryness chilled out a bit and let just a hint of sweetness through, like it was saying, “Hey, sorry about last night, I was being dramatic.” Honestly, it mellowed out in the best way—like a diva who finally took her shoes off. I paired it with a homemade pizza stacked with meatballs, mushrooms, and olives because I’m basically a domestic god when I’ve got wine in hand. And let me tell you, the combo rocked. Or maybe it was the wine rocking me—this bad boy clocks in at 14.5% ABV, and I felt it.
Price-wise, we’re talking $9.99 before my savvy 20% discount. That’s right. I got it for eight bucks and some change—less than a fast food meal and far more likely to make me feel like I have my life together. For that price and that punch, I’m not mad at it. I’d buy it again, especially if I’m hosting a dinner where I want to seem cultured but still afford bills.
Final verdict: This wine is like a Trojan rabbit—unexpectedly good, surprisingly sneaky, and possibly launched over a castle wall at your liver. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to not taunt my enemies a second time because I’ve already finished the bottle.
Cheers, peasant.
Types of Grapes: Cabernet Sauvignon from a variety of vineyards. Who knows what else….
ABV % / Fun Juice Level: 14.5%
Origin: Sonoma County, CA
Grocery Outlet Price: $9.99
